I hope everone is enjoying the first day of spring. Nothing quite like sideways rain, sunshine, rainbows, hail, and 25 mile per hour winds to get the season started off right.
I don’t enjoy forwards, but I like the challenge of trying to write in the style of forwards. So… enjoy the following!
SURGEON GENERAL – TOXIC FUMES COULD CAUSE DAMAGE
The U.S. Surgeon General has issued a warning regarding the possible release of toxic fumes from the heating of certain springtime blossoms. According to published reports in at least 18 different states, adults and children have suffered symptoms including dizziness, trouble breathing, irregular heartbeat, and nausea after attempting to iron fresh spring flowers. The Centers for Disease Control did an analysis of the cases and reached the conclusion that in each case, the victim was attempting to flatten four leaf clovers with a hot iron. As a result, the Surgeon General has issued the following direct warning to all Americans effective immediately:
DON’T PRESS YOUR LUCK!
This is supposed to sound sort of like that “Beware of the ___________” forward that we’ve all seen.
St. Patrick’s Day SCAM— DON’T SUFFER THE SAME FATE AS THIS GUY!
—One day I got a pamphlet in the mail, with a return address from Dublin. After opening it, I found information about what appeared to be a wonderful place that could help many people: The Dublin Leper Colony. As I read on, I realized that leprosy has taken a huge toll on millions of people worldwide. Even though we don’t think about it as being a problem we face today, there are still thousands of lepers throughout the world, even in 1st world countries like ours. The information showed all of the tremendous ways that the Dublin Leper Colony has worked to touch individual lives through medical care, compassion, friendship, and most importantly, restoring dignity to these “untouchables.”
I was glad to help and sent a check for $100 to the Colony, expecting it to make a tremendous difference. I was doing what Jesus would do, and putting my money where my mouth was.
Boy, was I wrong. The Attorney General in our state caught on to the scheme of a certain group of South American mafia lords who had set up the “Dublin Leper Colony” as the name of an account in a certain unnamed, tax-sheltered, Caribbean island. They had duped kind-hearted souls out of some $4.3 million, which was now unrecoverable. The Attorney General wanted to issue a simple warning for all the citizens of our state- something catchy and easy to remember:
Don’t be tricked by Leper Cons.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day and first day of Spring!
JM
